Doing daily activities, and our overall lifestyle (including dancing, singing and art) is normal for us and I never put too much thought into it. In hindsight though, looking back at the last 4 years, there are many things I wish I had known beforehand that could have been a bigger help to me and to my mother’s mental care. Through our activities I can now clearly see the difference in Elda’s overall wellbeing from when she is stimulated to when we just passed a few days on the couch doing nothing because I was tired or burnt out. The day-to-day change in her due to Alzheimer’s and Dementia can be devastating, however, when she is living her life, and not just existing doing nothing, she not only bounces back but is more responsive, thinks and speaks clearer and this to me is unbelievable. A transformation that also revives my energy and in fact makes it clearer that the more involved we are in living the better we live.

Feeling useful, feeling that Elda has responsibility and that she is a necessary part of daily life to make things go smoothly is essential for her wellbeing, not to mention helpful! Elda has a hard time standing alone and since COVID is much less stable on her feet, however, we find ways to get around this so that she can do or try to do things she has always done because she likes being busy. Elda was a mother of 6 is a grandmother to 11, and great grandmother still counting. Her life revolved around taking care of her house and family and she worked with her husband too! To do everything for Elda would leave her feeling useless, incompetent and depressed.

Elda can be lazy though and won’t want to move. She often needs a bit of persuasion to feel needed; to encourage her to do things she has always done wipe a counter, sweep a floor, fold some clothes, or whatever else we can think of doing without correction, without criticism. If she is dusting a table with her hands we offer her a rag, if she doesn’t want it, she cleans with her hands. If I show her how to cut a vegetable and she cuts it fatter or smaller we cook it that way. It is useless to try to explain or correct, Elda doesn’t understand those things any longer. We let her do what she wants and keep her safe while doing so!

Please note that letting Elda do what she wants is not at all easy and we do not want to undervalue the stress that any caretaker has to deal with when it comes to managing behaviors of their loved ones or patients. This is an ever-evolving process and our goal is to progressively make things easier one day at a time.