To know Elda
11/28/2022
I met Elda in 2010 by telephone because I lived in Italy and she in Florida; she was very kind and sweet. She has always made an effort to speak in Italian, or rather Piemontese, because I haven't learned English. Even now, when she wants us to understand, she speaks in Italian. Elda immediately treated me like a daughter.
Her illness entered slowly like an ugly beast that steals the most beautiful part we have memories. I noticed it manifest as worry, worry about everything. When she came to Florence in December 2015/16, she was still very active, we spent very nice days being tourists, cooking, and celebrating Christmas with my family. Her memory loss was very slight so it was hard to think or even understand what would eventually happen to her.
In December 2016/17 Lisa and I went to Florida to see her. She lived with Ellen, her daughter. She was becoming increasingly restless, distrustful, suspicious and even aggressive at times. The opposite of what she was she. The daughters who were close to her for various problems or situations that life brings unexpectedly, could not manage her, thus Lisa's decided to leave her job, her home, Italy to go and take care of her mother. Lisa's gesture was a very great one and apparently my much deserved by Elda.
After a year, due to various problems in Florida, both for the management of mum and for the daily questions that became more and more complicated, the big decision was born to move to Italy with Elda.
I searched for an apartment for them near me, so that I could be of help whenever needed. With a lot of luck, I found a small and charming rental just a few steps from my house, it was perfect. They arrived on July 8, 2019, happy even after a long journey. To see them at the airport was a moment filled with great emotion and happiness; the beginning of a new life for all of us. Elda fit in very well and did not take long to become familiar with her new home. Certainly, the more that time has passed the more her disease has advanced and the more she forgets, for example where the bathroom and the kitchen are or where she is.
Life in Italy was a completely new experience because in Florida everything is far away, without a car you can’t really get around. Here everything is walkable: To go shopping or to mass on Sunday. In front of the house there is the historic Papini food store with excellent products and infinite kindness. Everyone welcomed Elda with sweetness, how could it be otherwise, Elda is a woman easily loveable, with a beautiful smile, elegance and sweetness.
Elda and Lisa walk a lot and by doing so they met all the neighbors. Now even though Elda unfortunately has many moments in which she is not very stable, especially when she goes without drinking anything, they still manage to get out and exercise. Drinking liquids is definitely a difficult task to get her to do, especially in the summer, and causes her physical weakness. We try everything to get her to drink but when she says NO it's really hard to change her mind. We created her a booklet to help her drink and it has definitely been a great help as well as the discovery that she loves pomegranate juice. As I was saying, her inclusion within our family has been great in many moments she still thanks us for everything we have done for her. My whole family has contributed to making Elda feel the warmth of the family especially by having Sunday lunch all together, which she made more special by saying a prayer before eating, all of us with joined hands, it was a very tender and new moment for us. Now she doesn't do it anymore.
The help that I could and can give I give with all my heart. Of course, it hasn't always been easy. There were times when I was with Elda to give Lisa some free time and I couldn't calm her down. I had to ask my niece Azzurra to come and to help on many occasions; young people have a very good influence on her. Other moments I have been very tired from work and just wanted to rest on the sofa with her, but Elda didn't want to sit, she wanted to be up and moving, and I recall feeling despair because I couldn't handle it, hoping that Lisa would arrive earlier than expected and God forbid she was late. When this has happened the only thing, I can do is arm myself with patience and with all the love I feel for mamma Elda, and we manage to overcome the bad moments. Contrary to this there are times when it's Lisa who she doesn’t want to be around! Nothing Lisa does or says is good enough for her, Elda rides Lisa until she's exhausted and even sometimes gets aggressive and pinches and bites. Lisa in those moments has to get out of her sight, even if only for a few minutes. Sometimes Lisa would go into another room, me with Elda on the sofa and calling Elda on the telephone pretending to be someone. After they talked on the phone for a while and Elda calmed down, Lisa could return; upon seeing Lisa Elda will greet her with enormous love and by hugging and kissing her all over, as if they hadn’t seen each for a long time.
Gradually over the years Elda has stopped speaking lucidly, moving with confidence, knowing what to do in the bathroom or in the kitchen which have always been her favorite rooms, but we continue every day to make her do her thing and always make her feel useful. We are growing with her decline and for us the most important thing is always that Elda lives her life with lots of love around her, this is the best care of her.
Angela e Elda Dicembre 2015
