9/28/2022

It's been a little over two months since we have had COVID. The change in my mother is remarkable! I have to say I never thought we would arrive at this point again. My mother, Elda, is truly resilient and amazing. She is up and about and full of energy.

A few weeks ago, I had bought her a walker and since then she is walking around our house between an hour or two a day. This has helped strengthen her body and is helping both her mind and her spirits. She is much happier, helping around the house and even trying to help dress herself. She rarely has that distant look in her eyes, she is engaging in conversations again, and for the first time in two months, last night spoke on the phone to her son.

Having my mother up and about is a joy to me. I can bring her outside again, we walk, we talk and all in all that makes life go much smoother. However, like anything with more energy comes also more moments of anger and depression. Everything will be great then from one moment to the next Elda is angry for no reason. Nothing has provoked her or changed. I can see she understands something is changing yet she cannot help herself but to yell or to stick her hands in my face. Another aspect of these mood swings is her need to be overly affectionate. In one second, she will be angry and speaking badly then she will want an abundance of attention; to be kissed, hugged or she will be doing the kissing and hugging, only to get mad again. These moments are daunting, emotionally draining but are manageable with patience.

How do we handle this?

When this happens, I usually try to get her on her feet to walk, if she is not already. Walking or movement of any type distracts her. Walking is easier than trying to get her to do something like clean or fold clothes. It is a practical solution that works; however, attention needs to be had. When she is angry it is hard to stay close to her because she doesn’t want company, or on the contrary she will want to follow me around so she can yell. In both situations being in a position where I can maintain her safety is simply not always easy but needs to be kept otherwise, she could fall and hurt herself.

I also discovered several years ago that the use of essential oils helps to calm her, in particular Lavender oil. When I notice she is getting angry or upset I put a drop of oil under her nose and/or put a drop in a diffuser and light it. If I get her before she has already escalated into a state of anger, it passes quickly often within minutes. Otherwise, her bad temperament will still last an hour or so, however with the oils it comes in spurts and not a continual aggression that is unmanageable. I have been using oils for more than two years now and will never be without them. They help me too to stay calm and focused.

In addition, I also try to laugh and distract her with song, music or just being goofy, which she hates in those moment but sometimes she laughs too. It requires patience then more patience, but I would rather have Elda active with moments of aggression or sadness than sleeping on the couch all day feeling useless. To see her again trying to keep busy, happy and speaking and doing things she likes to do is priceless. It gives me hope and helps my spirits as well.

There are always those days where staying positive seems like it is just not an option because I am in a bad mood, or I just feel like I need a break. I don’t want to be happy or must attend to my mother. I want her to understand I need a minute to do something or to listen to me because I need a bit of peace of mind. Inevitably, the peace of mind for me will never come and she will never understand so it is useless in trying to explain anything to her; in fact, that will ultimately make her feel worse. Looking back on those days or moments, it was a waste of my time trying to find time for me or be in my moment of unhappiness or whatever it was I was feeling. The reality always goes back to the same thing, if I am happy and approach her always with kindness, if I don’t try to explain or tell her I need my own time, things will go smoother, and I find my personal time and Elda will be happier. Everything goes in phases, and phases pass. That is for me to remember so I can care for her and myself.

Why does it happen?

I cannot answer this, however I imagine it is because the more alert my mother is the more, she realizes in her own way her limits. She has clearly said to me that she does not understand, or that she does not know what she is doing. These moments of clarity are amazing for me, but I can only believe for her they are devastating. To look around and not know where you are, what you are doing or who you are with or even who you are, is inconceivable to me let alone to the person affected by this disease. It is an experience I hope to never visit yet has to be acknowledged and addressed in a way that can help Elda feel safe, feel like she is okay and in fact at home and safe, surrounded by people who love her. That is always our goal and a goal that is absolutely obtainable!